In life whether we seek quality or quantity depends upon the situation we are in. For e.g., when it comes to chocolates, my kids only care about the quantity and not so much the quality. Now if it were me, I would go for quality unless I am really desperate and can’t think straight! There are some situations in life that calls for quality and others when quantity matters more. I would like to apply this to parenting. Do you think kids need more quality time or perhaps just more quantity of time with their parents? If you have the choice, would you focus on coming up with elaborate plans and ideas to spend quality time with your kids or would you rather just find ways to spend more time with them even if these don’t include any exciting activities and could be something as simple as sitting with them or watching them play. My three year old loves being read to and sometimes I wonder what is the limit on the number of times I can read “Goodnight Moon” to him. And even though he knows the sequence of the story by heart he still insists on me reading this book to him over and over every single day. Other times I might be doing some work on my computer and he would squeeze his way into my lap and just watch me work. Not just my three year old but my older kids will also find some excuse to sit next to me, observe me and would wait for an opening to either talk to me or to get some extra cuddles. I love it. I feel like a celebrity at times and my 3 biggest fans live under my roof 😊!
Long before I had kids, I used to treasure my free time and independence. Fast forward to today, I am a homeschooling mother to 3 kids with very limited time to spare. It is almost impossible to catch 15 minutes of free time, let alone any “me time”. I hold a full-time job but even that doesn’t tie me down like the way motherhood does. On very good days, I manage to sneak in my coffee breaks but instead of sipping it peacefully I have to gulp it down risking some serious mouth burns! One of the reasons I wanted to homeschool was simply because I desired to spend more quality time with my kids (and thought that more time + over the top activities =quality time) but I didn’t quite realise all that it would entail. Although I understood in theory what homeschooling meant but the fact that my kids will be with me all the time hit me only after a few months into homeschooling. On any given day after we were done with school work my kids would look to me for the next thing to do and if I had the energy, I would come up with something creative for them to do, an hour later they would come up to me again demanding for the next big thing. Suddenly, I realized I am needed all the time. I felt like I always needed to come up with something amazing to do with my kids in order to create quality moments. But I have my limits and there is only so much creative juice and energy I have. I had to acknowledge that and by God’s grace I accepted my limitations.
I can obsess about picture perfect moments, activities that would make anyone envious and experiences that would create memorable stories. But here’s what I have understood when it comes to my kids – all they really want is me and my time. They just want to be near me, around me and sometimes on top of me. They don’t need anything more than that, sure enough toys are a good distraction and sometimes fancy toys and gadgets may give them a momentary satisfaction, but they never last and they will come to me again. To kids, when it comes to spending time with their parents it is all about quantity. We complicate it by trying to create so-called quality time (maybe even overcompensate) that sometimes we don’t even realise how much they value our physical presence more than anything. And now I get it! Every moment spent with my kids is quality. Even when all I am doing is shuffling from room to room, cleaning up questionable food items stuck to the floor, wiping their faces or bottoms, or helping with school work (yes even maths!). It’s all precious. Today is what the Lord has blessed me with, I cannot live in the future hoping to manufacture picture perfect moments. I can make most of today even if it is not picture worthy or even noteworthy. But in the eyes of the Lord, it all counts. And that’s where I am right now. I am done chasing quality time and instead I am just going to enjoy the quantity of time I have with my kids. One day this phase will pass and my kids will no longer need me the way they do now. And when that day comes, I want to be able to look back and not regret over any lost opportunities or missed moments.
Please give yourself some grace, you are doing a great job as a parent, stop obsessing over the bells and whistles and just focus on how you can spend some extra time with your kids. And your kids will appreciate your presence and the sacrifices you make for choosing them over other things that may demand your time.
